Whilst I may live in eternal fatigue, I am still very much a morning person. I see Karl lounging in bed, dozing throughout the morning hours, and I feel a twinge of envy, because to sleep feels so nice. However, I am always a morning person, and given a quiet hotel room to sleep and sleep in, I will choose to wake up and be conscious.
Not too much has been accomplished. My countertops are painted. Now they are all the same color again, which 100% better, but they are old and cracked and grooved. I try to tell myself, old world, old European, don't throw it all out in a landfill yet, but I do like beauty and so it is a little hard. My inlaws offered to give us $4000 for the kitchen this summer. They suggested new lower cabinets, counters, and a new subfloor, dishwasher, and sink. Now you know and I know, $4000 won't cover all that, but I smiled and said I would think about it. So thinking about it: the lower cabinets aside from the one under the sink, are fine. I mean they are wood-finished which isn't the style right now, and a little dingy and rough around the edges and floor, but they do not need thrown out. Wood finish will eventually come back in, and then what are all those with painted cabinets going to do? I will just scrub and wax and live with them. I sort of like them Now under the sink is a mess. We had a long leak, we didn't know about because we had locked it up to keep Alec out from under there. The bottom broke through and needs replaced. We will do that easily this week. I mean, with plywood. Who cares? I may sloppy paint in there too, because brightness makes me happy and it gets dark and dingy under the sink. Karl changed the faucet, and while not quite perfect, it is a vast improvement.
The sub floor, has some warping from years of various leaks. The hardwood has a crack of a few millimeters showing there is damage. But I just don't care that much. I can throw a rug down when the inlaws are here if it stresses them out. Now counters. I WANT new beautiful stone counters. I love marble, but I'd settle for granite. I would love that. But.....when it comes down to resale value, I think the first step is to replace the central AC. Because ours went out last year, after throwing nearly a thousand dollars at it, we stopped using it, and bought window AC's. And they work (although they are loud). However, if we had to sell in a hurry, I think the AC trumps the counters. Because who would buy a house without central air?
And Karl has about 10K in medical bills from last year, we ought to consider. So yeah. No pretty counters for me yet. Here's the thing: I sort of get a kick out of being the granny in my old house, with my outdated, painted countertops. It is kind of romantic, you know? If only I didn't have to work and could stay home and just ... be. A girl has to dream.
I can't believe Spring break is more over than not. I feel anxiety rising in my belly, but I am not sure what is wrong. Oh, I dreamed about coteaching. The teachers let me know that Kathy was much better at it than me (she is, hands down. I sort of blank out when I am not running the show-It is hard to stay engaged-I am still looking for elementary! as much as I love what I am teaching this year, it won't last, and I need to work and plan and not be idle because then my brain checks out into lala land of imagination). I know I have to make changes, but the job market looks really lousy this year. And change is hard, and I am tired. It takes a lot of energy to start over. I am praying. I woke up yesterday with the knowledge that I should do home daycare, ran the bills one more time, and just don't think I can. It is our fault, it is the credit card debt, and of course, worries about retirement.Also with home daycare, the money would be less predicatable and there would be a lot fewer days off. Still it is tempting. Even now after running the numbers and seeing the possible financial ruin before me, my heart is pulling at my clothes begging for more freedom. Is it free to be stuck at home with kids? Is it free to have only two weeks off per year (and have to deal with irriated parents-and trust me-I'd be taking my two weeks).
See. I had decided I couldn't afford it, but this brain-this brain keeps wracking itself for alternatives. Just make it until income tax refund! That is what it is telling me. Oh-to have a crystal ball of the future and alternate futures. It would make everything so much easier. Do I want to do daycare, or do I want to be free? Do I want to watch kids or do I want to not have a boss and make my own schedule? And does any of that matter? How does everyone march off to work each, leaving behind their kids (and let me tell you, my big ones are driving me crazy this week), and home and feel like all is right with the world?
I don't.
Not too much has been accomplished. My countertops are painted. Now they are all the same color again, which 100% better, but they are old and cracked and grooved. I try to tell myself, old world, old European, don't throw it all out in a landfill yet, but I do like beauty and so it is a little hard. My inlaws offered to give us $4000 for the kitchen this summer. They suggested new lower cabinets, counters, and a new subfloor, dishwasher, and sink. Now you know and I know, $4000 won't cover all that, but I smiled and said I would think about it. So thinking about it: the lower cabinets aside from the one under the sink, are fine. I mean they are wood-finished which isn't the style right now, and a little dingy and rough around the edges and floor, but they do not need thrown out. Wood finish will eventually come back in, and then what are all those with painted cabinets going to do? I will just scrub and wax and live with them. I sort of like them Now under the sink is a mess. We had a long leak, we didn't know about because we had locked it up to keep Alec out from under there. The bottom broke through and needs replaced. We will do that easily this week. I mean, with plywood. Who cares? I may sloppy paint in there too, because brightness makes me happy and it gets dark and dingy under the sink. Karl changed the faucet, and while not quite perfect, it is a vast improvement.
The sub floor, has some warping from years of various leaks. The hardwood has a crack of a few millimeters showing there is damage. But I just don't care that much. I can throw a rug down when the inlaws are here if it stresses them out. Now counters. I WANT new beautiful stone counters. I love marble, but I'd settle for granite. I would love that. But.....when it comes down to resale value, I think the first step is to replace the central AC. Because ours went out last year, after throwing nearly a thousand dollars at it, we stopped using it, and bought window AC's. And they work (although they are loud). However, if we had to sell in a hurry, I think the AC trumps the counters. Because who would buy a house without central air?
And Karl has about 10K in medical bills from last year, we ought to consider. So yeah. No pretty counters for me yet. Here's the thing: I sort of get a kick out of being the granny in my old house, with my outdated, painted countertops. It is kind of romantic, you know? If only I didn't have to work and could stay home and just ... be. A girl has to dream.
I can't believe Spring break is more over than not. I feel anxiety rising in my belly, but I am not sure what is wrong. Oh, I dreamed about coteaching. The teachers let me know that Kathy was much better at it than me (she is, hands down. I sort of blank out when I am not running the show-It is hard to stay engaged-I am still looking for elementary! as much as I love what I am teaching this year, it won't last, and I need to work and plan and not be idle because then my brain checks out into lala land of imagination). I know I have to make changes, but the job market looks really lousy this year. And change is hard, and I am tired. It takes a lot of energy to start over. I am praying. I woke up yesterday with the knowledge that I should do home daycare, ran the bills one more time, and just don't think I can. It is our fault, it is the credit card debt, and of course, worries about retirement.Also with home daycare, the money would be less predicatable and there would be a lot fewer days off. Still it is tempting. Even now after running the numbers and seeing the possible financial ruin before me, my heart is pulling at my clothes begging for more freedom. Is it free to be stuck at home with kids? Is it free to have only two weeks off per year (and have to deal with irriated parents-and trust me-I'd be taking my two weeks).
See. I had decided I couldn't afford it, but this brain-this brain keeps wracking itself for alternatives. Just make it until income tax refund! That is what it is telling me. Oh-to have a crystal ball of the future and alternate futures. It would make everything so much easier. Do I want to do daycare, or do I want to be free? Do I want to watch kids or do I want to not have a boss and make my own schedule? And does any of that matter? How does everyone march off to work each, leaving behind their kids (and let me tell you, my big ones are driving me crazy this week), and home and feel like all is right with the world?
I don't.
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